The Critical Commentator

 I don't have a bucket list. And I wish people would stop asking me if I do... Recently I appeared on a podcast to discuss it. Of course the host asked me what is on my bucket list. For once, I didn't offer a raft of invectives. I simply said I didn't have one. But here's what I really think: the bucket list has blandified adventure. And that is a sin in my book. A Bucket of Salt Water Joseph Edward Southall (1861-1944) Photo Credit: Manchester Art Gallery [CC BY-NC-ND]   A bucket list reminds me in a horrible way of a consumer-led wedding list. And I never got married. Deliberately. It's not that I don't have loads of non-commodified, non-cuteified ideas for stuff I'd like to do - yes to another local dance; yes to gallivanting with my grandson and son. I'm a bit of an old hippy travel snob, so yes please to Senegal and Algiers, but you can keep Machu Picchu and soaring above the Grand Canyon in a helicopter. My interests are  not part of an intentional...

  Head of an Old Woman Percy Bigland (1858-1926) Photo Credit: Walker Art Gallery [CC  By-NC]  DAWN Start your day with a large glass of filtered water. Add a pinch of mineral-rich sea salt or an electrolyte mix... to help replenish minerals and support energy production. Step outside within 30 minutes of waking. Look towards the sun with your eyes uncovered - no glasses, contacts or sunglasses if possible. Just five to ten minutes stimulates receptors syncing your body clock and boosting cortisol and dopamine. If you wake before sunrise (common in winter), consider a violet or cyan blue-enriched lamp. Stand barefoot on grass or earth. This allows your body to discharge built-up static charge and absorb the earth's grounding energy Does the water have to be filtered? How large must the glass be and how much is a pinch? An electrolyte mix? Please enlighten me. The sun isn't always out at that time but there's no problem about the glasses or contacts. That's fantastic new...

  Young Witches at Play in the Night Sky Ernest Procter (1886-1935) Photo Credit: Penlee House Gallery & Museum. [CC BY-ND]  I do not have the bone structure of  [Meryl] Streep and [Anna} Wintour so increasingly look in photos like the Wicked Witch of the West having a stroke. The obvious solution - or at least, the solution touted to women like me as obvious - is to have what is described as "work done". A "touch-up". A "refresh". Which means cosmetic surgery that looks natural (well, on camera, anyway). Such procedures include having your upper eyelids sliced back and fat injected underneath your eyes, known as upper and lower blepharoplasties, often referred to with the cutest name "blephs". Despite sounding like a torture method straight out of A Clockwork Orange , operations like these are now talked about so casually you'd think they were as common as getting your teeth whitened. And maybe they soon will be: every year, rates of cos...

 Does life of late feel just too easy? Are you keen to make it harder than it already is? If that sounds like a genuinely demented question in the week that the world came close to threatened Armageddon, then fair enough. I bridled too when I read last week about friction-maxxing, the supposed trend for doing things in slightly more effortful, time consuming or analogue ways - cooking from scratch instead of ordering a delivery, finding your way using road signs instead of just plugging in the satnav, or reading a book rather than half-listening to the audio version of it - as a form of creative resistance to the inexorable march of big tech through our lives?... Idle Moments Walter Langley (1852-1922) Photo Credit: Penlee House Gallery & Museum [CC BY-ND]  Besides, the list published this week by the Washington Post of ways to friction-maxx - which included superhuman feats such as seeing your friends in person rather than WhatsApping them, and actively trying to remember...

I'm talking to you from the Mar - a - Lago Situation Room and Air - Fryer salesman of the Year all -you -can -eat barbecue 'n' cocktail bar. So I'm going to keep it short 'cos I don't want to disturb those guys. Great guys. Everyone says so. Right. So, here it is. THE WAR IS OVER! Nearly. Not that it was a war. Or IS a war. It was a short term excursion. Like a trip to Epstein Island. Not that I ever went there. Never liked him! Creepy guy whenever I met him. Which I didn't. Yesterday's news. Like the war. Which is very complete. So complete that this is just the beginning. Or possibly the end. Or the end of the beginning or the beginning of the middle of the end. Make America Great Again Ashley Rawson Cathcart Road, Glasgow [CC BY] You see - I'm quoting the great English war leader Winston Mandela. Good old Winnie. No one called him LOSERIE, did they? He was WINNIE! Like me. FACT! Okay, so they've appointed a new leader and they didn't even ...