Angry Scenes at Conclave

 There was delight from observers as white smoke billowed out of the famous Vatican chimney, showing that the conclave of cardinals had finally made its decision and elected a new pope.

But, within minutes of the result, there was uproar as their selection was challenged on Gospel Truth Social. A furious Donald Trump denounced the result as fake pews, claiming that the election had been "stolen" by crooked cardinals.

"This is the biggest fraud in the history of pope-voting. The election was rigged! As it was last time when I was robbed by Sleepy Francis, the worst pope on record. Ever. Fact!"

The Sleeping Congregation
William Hogarth  (1697-1764)
Photo Credit: Royal Albert Memorial Museum & Art Gallery [Public Domain]

There was pandemonium as Trump supporters stormed the Vatican, smashing stained glass windows and taking selfies of themselves sitting on the papal throne.

One wore a cardinal's hat with bison horns and charged at the Swiss Guards, another stole the pulpit and one, on a very tall ladder, painted a MAGA hat on Michelangelo's God.

However, Donald Trump then changed his mind and announced that in fact he had personally secured the election of an American Pope and that it was all down to him that the Vatican was now the 51st State of the USA.

Asked about his previous postings he said, "I'm not infallible." 

(Vatican Correspondent, Trevor Nun, Private Eye,2025)

The Pope, attempting to reply, was drowned out by chants of "Build the Wall!" echoing through the basilica.