The Attention Economy

 The new, and some might say tedious, vanity fad is celebrities making videos of themselves showering and looking as if it's literally the most amazing and sensual thing that has ever happened to them. It has a name - the power shower pose - and is a way to "validate nudity or near nudity". "Self-touching and preening" looks "classy" when under water apparently. Does it? I worry for JLo to be honest. In her video she stands in a fountain furiously rubbing her body like the poor woman has fleas.

Feast of Fools
Frans Floris the elder  (c. 1517-1570)
Photo Credit: Shakespeare Birthplace Trust [CC BY-NC-ND]

It's exhausting to be a celebrity. Have pity on them. Look at Beckham. When the TV went on the blink in his New York hotel room this year, he set about fixing it - lying on the floor naked, save for a pair of tight Calvin Klein underpants. His wife swiftly posted the photo on social media, a fish thrown to clapping seals. See? They work hard for the money...

Remember when celebrities couldn't stop posting selfies of themselves sexing up menial tasks? The sheer tedium of it. Nicole Scherzinger mopped the floor while doing the splits. Heidi Klum brushed her teeth while topless. She then went on to water her plants, also having forgotten her bra. I recall a photo of Kim Kardashian alongside a textbook "studying for her bar exam", while appearing to stare down her bikini bottoms at her own front parlour. I'm no lawyer, Kim, but I doubt you'll find the answers down there.

You might not have a yacht, but be thankful you're not a celebrity, unable even to make a cup of tea without feeling the need to pop on a thong and straddle the kettle. Scoff all you like, sir, but imagine if every time you put the rubbish out you had to strip off, pull on a pair of budgie smugglers and pretend to hump the wheelie bin. Exactly. Count your blessings.

(Carol Midgley, The Times, 2024) 

So the idea of celebrity worshippers seen as clapping seals was a very apt and clever one as was the simile about the "poor woman has fleas".