American Praise Culture in the UK

A Silent Greeting
Lawrence Alma-Tadema (1836-1912)
Photo Credit: Tate [CC BY-NC-ND]

No one knows quite how to dole out gushing, unbridled praise like an American ... and from a young age [I] was taught that a compliment (warranted or not) was the best way to make your way in the world, whether that was at work, school or in relationships. No polite greeting should be considered complete without an added "I love your shoes!" or a handy "Now that is a great top!"

Frantically complimenting people and ourselves is a national pastime, second only to baseball. Researchers have found that ... Americans often opt for the more extreme word when constructing a sentence, so things are "great" not just "good", or we'll "love" something not just "like" it...

It was recently reported that in China, where young people are less and less interested in elements of American culture such as Taylor Swift and the iPhone, they are more excited than ever about integrating our approach to praise. Groups on the internet and in person have started forming for people to compliment each other American-style...

From the time I was very small I was told that everything I did was "totally awesome!" or "amazing!" or "so, so, so great." As you can imagine, you get used to a certain lifestyle, one that results in a blindness to hyperbole and a dizzying sense of self-confidence about most things you do...

It's fair to say that my confidence took a hit when I first arrived in the UK. I was very confused to find that no one seemed to be complementing each other (or me) incessantly. I tried using compliments to make friends, get dates and do well at work, something that had historically been a winning tactic, and felt people recoil. "Love your outfit today!" did nothing to move the needle on my new relationships. Any complements I got back were also usually peppered with sarcasm.

At first I struggled to get my head around this new world where unfettered praise actually just came off as insincere. But I soon found that when there are fewer compliments going around they actually feel a lot more genuine when you do get them. If someone tells you they like something in the UK, they usually really mean it. While sometimes brutal, there is ultimately a kindness to such restrained praise...

Over time I was convinced that our approach across the Pond had left me with fewer tools to help me grow into a better version of myself... but I've come to appreciate the value of receiving fewer authentic nuggets of praise over a lot of empty celebration. Maybe if we'd reconsidered our relationship to relentless positivity in America, we'd be in a less dire political situation, where candidates  don't feel the need to bring up who's better at golf during national debates...

(Chiara Brown, The Times, 2024)

Perpetual compliments would be seen by many in the UK as insincere or just an annoying form of words. A compliment given occasionally would mean much more than a gushing torrent of hyperbolic words such as  "great" and "love" rather than "good" or "like". In the UK, irony, sarcasm and self-deprecation are very frequent guests in our conversations. Comedy shows, here, concentrate on looming failures rather than successful heroes. Relentless positivity is to be scorned rather than adopted and admired.