Boris Johnson, Customer Experience Nonsense

                                                      For Sale:

We are delighted to present for sale the former home of former Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson at the very reasonable price of £350 million. This immaculate Islington residence is (like its owner) semi-detached and includes a wealth of desirable features (unlike its owner).

Key Features:

Master bedroom barely slept in

Spare room, well used.

Doghouse, very well used.

All locks recently changed, by Mrs Johnson.

Access to the house is via the front door or, more commonly, via the drainpipe.

Walk in wardrobe, contents to be found on street.

Multi-media facility on pavement outside.

Local Area

This charming home is situated on a quiet residential road, now that he’s left and would suit any growing family on the verge of break-up due to the father’s feckless behaviour, vaulting ambition and complete lack of moral compass.

The owner is open to all offers – which is what got him into trouble in the first place.

(Private Eye, No 1497)

Marketing

A Doubtful Customer, Flora Macdonald Reed (1860-c.1940)

Photo Credit: Manchester Art Gallery [CC BY-NC-ND]

is the current battleground. Companies are looking to gain a competitive advantage by transforming their customer experience.

…Digitas is one company encouraging and guiding businesses…through this transformation: A transformation that urges businesses to do-away with disjointed silo approaches to technology, marketing and communications and instead bring them together.

“Our capabilities as an agency revolve around integrating media, technology, customer relationship management and communications within the same offering,” says the company’s UK chief executive Dani Bassil. “It’s about combining marketing and technology in new ways, getting traditionally disparate functions to work in tandem so your marketing activity synchronises perfectly with your digital platforms, aps and websites.”

This new era of customer experience is best described as a total brand experience, creating a connected and differentiated experience platform that spans both brand communications and digital touchpoints.

(The Times, 2019)

Forgive me, Dani, but what are you on about? You are as clear as mud. Anyway, I don’t want a customer experience, I just want to buy some socks.